The Cats' Bill of Rights and other Cat Laws
1. Humans shall make no law respecting an establishment of boundaries or prohibiting the free exercise therein, or abridging the freedom of access, or the right to peaceful assembly. In other words: The cat is entitled to go outside anytime he wants.
2. A well-carried provisional chamber, being necessary to the fulfillment of a feline's whims, shall not be infringed. In other words: The cat is entitled to EAT anytime he wants.
3. The right of the feline to be secure in their domain and effects against unreasonable discomposure, shall not be violated. In other words: The cat is entitled to SLEEP anytime he wants.
4. Humans shall issue no warrants or decrees or edicts as prescribed to the demarcation of possessions or property which are in direct conflict with right of life, liberty and the pursuit of feline affirmation. In other words: The cat is entitled to sleep ANYWHERE he wants.
5. The feline shall be immune to all criminal accusations, indictments and complaints. The accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and impartial dismissal of any and all charges provided said feline's compulsory right to obtain any or all witnesses, including character witnesses, are obtained in his favor. In other words: Cats can do anything they want as long as it's cute.
6. Neither serfdom, vassalage, or involuntary servitude will be tolerated, except by said cats in proprietorship of their humans. In other words: What I say goes. (And I say feed me... Again.)
7. No Canis familiaris shall, in time of peace or at any other time, be quartered in any dwelling without the consent of the potentate, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by sovereign. In other words: No dogs in the house without my permission.
8. The right of the feline to be protected against unreasonable search and seizures shall not be breached or infringed upon at anytime or any place. In other words: Don't disturb me when I am sleeping.
Cat Property Laws
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If I saw it first, it's mine.
3. If it's in my paw, it's mine.
4. If it looks like mine, it's mine.
5. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
6. If I can take it away from you, it's mine.
7. If there's more than one, ALL of them are mine.
8. If you have something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
9. If it's mine, it must NEVER appear to be yours in any way.
10. If it's boring or doesn't taste good, IT'S YOURS!!
- Based on "Toddler Property Laws"
Revised for cats by Humor S. Cat